Don't complicate Common Sense...

It's been a crazy week, but here we are, still struggling with school, homework, extra curriculum, sports, or what have you. I wanted to write about this because I realize as I get older, I feel like some values, or common sense things just happens to deteriorate. Let's start of by defining common sense...sound, practical judgment concerning everyday matters, or a basic ability to perceive, understand, and judge in a manner that is shared by (i.e. common to) nearly all people. I mean, it's kind of a normal thing now that moral values start to not be so common. However, once in a while you come across folks and there's hope. My husband and I got married in our late 30's, so most of our age group have college kids by now while we have pre-teens. From toddler years, I have always taught my girls you drop something, pick it up, and put it away. If you make any mess, let's clean it up (notice how I said "LETS" not I. Now that they are older, I teach them and guide through things and remind them, I am not their maid. Do they clean up after themselves? Of course NOT, but getting better as they get older. It is all I ask for---> progress! It's part of their learning experience. My duty as a parent is to keep saying it and reminding (more like telling) them, and it becomes a habit. When something falls, and it hits the ground, and Sumz (autistic kiddo) is close by, you will hear her automatically say, "pick it up," and it makes me smile because it has become a habit for her. I'm not saying my kids have perfected any of that at all, oh no, far from it, but if I keep at it, by the time they become adults, hopefully, they will use just a little bit more common sense, be more responsible for their actions, just a little bit more considerate than they were little. My oldest is 10; when I walk into the kitchen full of dishes and she has just finished cooking or eating… all I have to do is call out her name, and I hear her from her room, "oh yeah, I'm coming, I forgot!" I am sure many parents can relate because it's a normal reaction from kids, but again it's up to us to remind and guide our kids to stay on it (via motivations if that works etc) and do chores, etc. If you're reading that and you're triggered, please keep reading... Chores, manners and just teaching/guiding/correcting your kids at home help build common sense, common courtesy, and consideration in these little human beings. I got 2 kinds of kids, autistic and non-autistic, and with the same teachings, the output has the same results, yes, one takes waaaaay longer than the other, but the outcome is still the same. If our kids do not feel accountable or have any responsibilities, there's a lack of practical judgement. If we don't teach and explain these when they are young, they won't see the point as they get older and just run with whatever someone else tells them or wants them to do. Please note, I have no judgement about your parenting, I'm sharing my views on how these things connect... You might think OK whatever, you're wrong... This isn't a wrong or right it's a post about what can we do to better our kids so they are better adults in the future.

Again, it is all about progress because we, as adults, are still finding ourselves learning as well. As a parent, teaching my kids is not only for them, but this is my contribution to the world in making it a better place to live. I almost witnessed a few accidents this week, and I wondered if one of the drivers had just given way to the other, there would have been no flipping each other off or cutting off the other with crazy honking. Teenagers sitting on the bench waiting for the bus and an older grandma standing on the side made me sad. I'm unsure what would have happened if she had said something to them because today is so different from when I grew up. On the other hand, I saw a mom and her son, he was about a teenager, they were walking to the store, and the boy started walking faster and I didn't see, but as I walked closer, an old lady was trying to grab a cart however it got stuck, so he was right there helping her with it. As she walked away, the Mom caught up to her son and patted him on the back, saying, Thank you, son! As parents, we are not expecting perfection, we are looking for progress. As we continue to teach and guide them through chores and responsibilites etc, common sense, common courtesy, and consideration, as I mentioned before, becomes a habit. I was annoyed with my kid earlier this week while we were queuing for pickup because we waited longer than usual for her. She got into the car, and before I uttered a word, she said, "Mom, don't get mad, I know I am late, but our classroom was just a mess, and I had to straighten it up and clean up before I walked out." I calmly shared how nice that was, and continued to say they have cleaners, to which she replied, I know that. I hope I helped them work faster so they can go home to their families early. That hit me hard and I teared up because my thought process didn't get that far, and my girl just schooled me! Parents, these days, it isn't just you or me. It's a WE. There's so much to be offended about these days that everyone tries to stay in their lane. Some parents are even letting their kids run the show at home. If you have a kid that lives under your roof and you're paying for them, please remember they're still learning, and you're the adult, start by having them do little chores and build on that. For example...Sumz, our ASD kid, is to take her empty water bottles to the recycle blue bags. It is not perfect, but when I remind her I don't talk much I just ask, where do you put the bottles? She would laugh realizing she missed something and quickly picks them up singing herself along to the blue bag. That is on a good day, on a bad day...I negotiate with her i.e. no iPad till you do that. With Non-ASD kids, talking and discussions around this topic are important. There will be crying and lots of talking required, but kids are brilliant and strong little beings. They will come around if you explain the benefits of what you're doing. Give them a chance to amaze you... I get it, it is easier said than done, but remember what we are doing is part of our investment in their future. Everything starts from home, so whatever kind of parent you are, let's all challenge each other to raise responsible kids and we all know how amazing our kids can be when they put their minds to something... Till next time...